A Choice That Didn't Include Me
by CaskettN'MerDer
Summary: A slight AU take on the fight between Beckett and Castle during Watershed.


**This is my first attempt at Fanfiction... I was watching Season 1 Castle, and after watching the kidnapping episode and the argument between Kate and Sorenson, this idea would not leave me alone. So... here goes nothing. Thanks to my sister beta who told me it wasn't complete trash. ;0)**

* * *

"What's this?" Castle straightened from picking up the white slip of paper. Yesterday's date on a boarding pass from Washington, DC staring back at him.

"What's what?" Kate tore her gaze away from the simmering pan to glance at her boyfriend.

"Boarding pass." Castle held the piece of paper up between two fingers, his writer's mind spinning reason after reason as to why a boarding pass for yesterday would be in his girlfriend's pocket.

Upon seeing the slip in Rick's hand Kate's heart plummeted. She took a deep breath and stepped away from the cooktop to face him. "Castle…"

"Did you fly to DC yesterday?"

The bewilderment and confusion that laced his voice sent a jolt of guilt through Kate. Her stomach turned as her heart picked up speed. _No more lying…_

"Yes, I did." Kate quietly took a few steps toward Castle, wringing her hands with nervous energy.

"Why?"

The pain is his eyes sent daggers through her heart. Kate broke eye contact for a moment to gather her senses.

"I was invited down for an interview."

"What kind of interview?"

She stepped up right in front of him. Faced him squarely to answer his question, "For a position… with the federal task force."

Anger flashed in his eyes, and Kate steeled herself for the backlash. "I'm sorry," his voice dripped with his rage. "You interviewed for another job in another _city_… and you didn't tell me?"

Kate looked deep into his eyes, trying to find any emotion behind the anger in his eyes. She held his gaze, attempting to cool him with her calm demeanor and silently begging for understanding. "I didn't tell you about it because it was just an interview and I knew that you would be upset."

Her silent plea and attempt at placation were squashed with his hard expression. His eyes wandered from hers, the anger making it impossible to maintain eye contact with Beckett while keeping a leash on his rising temper.

"Yeah. Yeah, you're damn right I'm upset."

"Castle, I just wanted to see what was out there, what's wrong with that?"

That comment throttled his anger, his eyes once again falling upon her face. "What's wrong with it is that you hid it from me. The fact that you lied about it, I would never do that to you."

Kate mentally took a step back. She couldn't believe he wasn't seeing the whole picture. Her defenses rose. "Castle, this isn't about you. This is about me. This is about my life."

"So you're seriously considering this."

Exasperation at his inability to comprehend everything had Kate about ready to pull at her hair. "Yes! This is a wonderful opportunity. It'll be a chance to do more."

_Please see the possibilities!_

"Without me." The hurt finally rose to the surface to mix with the unadulterated anger that had been radiating off of him.

"Castle, please don't do this. Please don't make this about us."

"I'm sorry, tell me how this _isn't_ about us. You get this job. You move to DC. I'll never see you… That's pretty much the end of our relationship, isn't it?"

His logic hit her square in the chest. _Would it really be the end? _A nervous shiver ran down her spine leaving her uneasy, but _No!_ She couldn't let him get to her and plow through her reasoning of the situation.

"You don't know that," she countered. "And I probably won't even get the job."

"That's not the point. The point is, you knew what this could mean and it didn't occur to you to include me. Or worse… it did occur to you… and you chose not to. Now what does that say about us? Not much if you ask me."

_You know what this could mean and it didn't occur to you to include me…_ Kate's heart clenched painfully in her chest at that statement.

"Castle…" The déjà vu washed over her and she suddenly saw everything through Castle's eyes.

"I can't be here right now."

As he gathered his things, Kate stood stock still, her mind transported back in time to another argument... Another argument all too similar to this one.

* * *

The weight of the missing girl hung heavily in the air between Beckett and her old flame. The lingering hurt and feeling of abandonment kept firmly in check as she passed him in the kitchen to pour some coffee. However, her firm grip loosened as he blindsided her in his questioning about Castle.

"So you're not…"

"Together? No." Kate smiled with the absurdity of that thought process. _Me and Castle? Please…_

"I meant to call. Must've picked up the phone a dozen times."

While her heart tried to skip a beat at his implication, she reminded herself of the pain of his decision. Turning to face him, the petty side of Detective Kate Beckett reared its ugly head. "I know you meant to do a lot of things. That's why you left, remember?"

"Boston was a great opportunity." It was a plea for her to understand. To see what she couldn't see the first time this conversation had been visited.

"I'm not saying that it wasn't. I'm saying it was a choice that didn't include me."

* * *

_A choice that didn't include me._

The statement she made almost five years prior echoed through her mind. In an instant all of her previous logic and reasoning for why Castle was being emotional and unreasonable disappeared. _What have I done_?

Kate hesitated for a moment before lunging toward the door that had closed only moments before. She yanked it open with hopeful eyes scanning the hallway. All the breath left her lungs as she saw Castle waiting for the elevator. His shoulders slumped, defeat and despair outlined in every line of his body.

"Rick!" Her voice hoarse as she jogged to him.

He turned to her. Anger sparking back to life as his gaze met hers.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." The tears of regret and guilt pooling in her eyes, threatening to fall at the slightest prompting. "Rick, I didn't stop to think. I was just so caught up with my insecurities. He asked me where I wanted to be in five years, and I panicked… I saw my life still with you, but then that stupid voice in my head started." The tears began to fall, quickly and unchecked, as Kate rambled all of her feelings to a still slightly angry, but much more bewildered Richard Castle. "_I_ saw myself with you in five years, but what if you didn't want the same? You had been pulling back, and I started to panic. I mean I love you so much, and it would kill me if you walked away. If you decided I wasn't what you want, I wasn't enough for you, and I lost it. I told myself that this job was what I had been working towards. If I could move up and do more, then I could handle the inevitable fallout." Her voice broke into sobs on the last word. She fell forward into his chest praying that he could forgive.

Castle barely pulled himself from his shocked immobility to catch Beckett as she fell into him. Her shoulders shaking uncontrollably as the sobs racked her delicate frame. As she pulled herself together, Rick loosely held her to him, trying to sort through the maelstrom of conflicting feelings coursing through him. He had been prepared to storm out of the apartment building, avoid Kate, and brood in his feelings of injustice and pain. Cut her off and cause her as much pain as she had to him while he tried to accept the coming end to their relationship.

But he could never stay angry at the sobbing, vulnerable mess that he held in his arms.

Kate Beckett rarely showed any weakness or vulnerability. Hell, it took her facing death to verbalize her feelings toward him. When she allowed him to see beyond the façade, it broke through his own insecurities. She did need him.

"Kate."

"I'm so sorry Castle," she whispered.

"Kate, I could never tire of you."

The unexpected comment had a flicker of hope spark within her chest. Kate brought her startled gaze up to meet his softened blue eyes. No longer stormy blue darkened with rage, but still swirling with hurt and a little hint of anger simmering beneath. _Still better than before…_

Castle stepped back and Kate could not squash the flicker of fear from ghosting her face. She relaxed as he quirked his half smile in a way to reassure. It didn't even come close to reaching his eyes, but he wasn't storming off to leave her anymore.

"Can we go back inside? Try this again?" The hope and love laced her voice as Kate begged with her eyes.

Castle nodded and took a small step toward the door.

_It will be alright_ Kate reassured herself. It would have to be alright. Because Kate realized she couldn't imagine her life in five years without Castle. She would fight for this. She may have let this situation ruin one relationship, but she would not make the same mistake Sorenson made.

Hopefully she caught it in time.

* * *

**Thoughts? :-/**


End file.
